Thursday 8 November 2012

2012 Election Results: Dick Edition

Sadly, the US 2012 Election was not a good one for Dicks. I surveyed the results of the Senate, House of Representatives, and Governor races and determined that 20 Richards ran for office. (I’m sure tons more ran for various local offices, but I do not have the fortitude or time to look through all of those elections nationwide).

Of those 20 Richards (or men I assume are named Richard) only a measly 6 (six!) claimed victory. Not a good time to be a Dick, I guess.

Of these twenty Dicks, party affiliations were as follows:

Democrats: 6
Republicans: 11
Independents: 3

Sigh. It makes me a bit sad that so many Dicks are Republicans because I do not happen to support that party. But such is life, I suppose.

The details, starting with:

Dicks Who Did Not Win

In Montana, Republican Rick Hill was defeated in the race for Governor. I was actually rather surprised by this. I think of Montana as very conservative, but they have a Democratic governor and one Democratic Senator.

House of Representatives

In Florida, the independent candidate Richard Gillmore was soundly defeated. He only managed to claim 4% of the vote. Another independent, Richard Torregano, lost in Louisiana. He got 10% of the vote, although he was only running against one opponent while Gillmore had two.

Republican losses: Richard Grabowski lost in Illinois, as did Richard Tisei in Massachusetts, Rick Snuffer in West Virginia, and Dick Muri in Washington. I would like to note that Dick Muri was the only Dick I found who actually went by “Dick” on the ballot. Way to go, Dick Muri! Own your name.

Democratic losses: Rick Nolan lost in Pennsylvania and Rich Cowan lost in Washington.


In Arizona, Democrat Richard Carmona lost to the hilariously-named Jeff Flake. How appropriate to be a politician named Flake. The jokes will write themselves.

In Michigan, Richard Matkin of the US Taxpayer Party was soundly defeated. The guy only got a little over 25,000 votes, which is pretty pathetic when you realize the winner got over 2.5 million. However, the US Taxpayer Party is most definitely a fringe group.

North Dakota Republican Rick Berg was also defeated in a very close race. He only lost by about 3,000 votes. Try not to let it get you down, Rick.

Finally, Republican Richard Mourdock, the most famous Dick of the election, suffered defeat in Indiana. This is the guy who suggested that God was cool with women getting raped. Hmmm. Well, I guess God is also cool with this Dick not getting elected.

And now, a more positive note:

Dicks Who Won!!!!

In this election cycle, all the winning Dicks are in the House of Representatives.

Republican victories

Rick Crawford won in Arkansas with a comfortable 56% of the vote. Of course, Richard Nugent of Florida puts that to shame: he captured 64% of the vote. North Carolina’s Richard Hudson grabbed 54% of the vote, and New York’s Richard Hanna took home 60%. Looks like the Nug was the big winner!

Democratic victories

In Massachusetts, Richard Neal ran unopposed in the first district; he is our only Dick to claim this distinction. In Washington, Rick Larsen swept up 61% of the vote. Way to crush the competition, guys!

In 2014, I expect to see more winning Dicks!

*Special shout-out to the state of Washington, the Dick-iest state of them all! Washington had three Dicks on the ballot, two who lost (Rich Cowan and Dick Muri) and one who achieved victory (Rick Larsen). Go Washington!

1 comment:

  1. Very interesting election analysis:) Thank goodness the real dick in the group Richard Mourdock did not win! There were many positives to this election. Maybe in four years when I work election night we should consider this kind of analysis during election cut-ins!
    (Aunt Holly)